party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
