That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
there is glitter all over my balls
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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