Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
