i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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