I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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