You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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