Whod you bang
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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