what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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