1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
