i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.