A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
