apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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