They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
