there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
