We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
