she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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