the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
ok first of all what the fuck
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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