Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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