I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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