hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
its liver damage thursday