whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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