I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
