Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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