It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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