I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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