i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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