Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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