woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
