you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You pole danced in your parka.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
