My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
