We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize