Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
