just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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