Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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