were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
