i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
