Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
