Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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