if i died would you start the facebook group?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
