I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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