I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
