Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
