i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
