toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
