My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
