Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
