dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
