I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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