We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
