My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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