i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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