if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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