I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
