Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
