She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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