With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
