So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
