Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
