You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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