Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
