Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
