now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?