dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
