Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
40s are totally the cure
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
