That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
