the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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