there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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