He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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