Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
