I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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